One of the things that goes along with an open adoption is the opportunity to go and visit with your child. This particular aspect is what made the hardest choice I've ever had to make, just a little bit easier. The moment Charlie arrived, I loved her more than anything or anyone on this planet. I can't imagine a world where she doesn't exist, nor can I imagine a world where I don't get to see her and tell her how much I love her. This is the true beauty of open adoption.
I want to shed some light on what visits are like and what sort of emotions come along with them. Every open adoption is different; some being open to the point of letting the birth mom take care of the child for a weekend while the parents get some time to themselves, and some are more closed and are limited to just sending email updates and pictures every year. It really depends on the people involved, honestly.
I would say that mine is somewhere in between these two extremes and so far it is working for us. The plan I made with the adoptive parents was that I would come visit every week for two hours at a time while I am on maternity leave. After that, we will move to monthly visits. Right now the adoptive mom also sends me three pictures every day of Della and gives me little updates. We also text and keep up with how each other are doing. The most important part of having a successful open adoption is building a healthy and strong relationship with each other.
The first week after Charlie was born, the photos that her mom sent me were vital to my mental state. I was in such agony without her with me, but being able to see her and know that she was OK made it just a little bit better. The first time we went to visit her, my parents came with me and we just took turns holding her and chatting about how my recovery was going. (I had a cesarean and was still in some pain) Leaving that day was really hard...I never want my visits with her to end. I feel like the time goes so quickly. As we were driving home, my heart felt a mixture of emotions...I was so sad to be leaving her again but I also felt so happy with my decision. I knew I was doing the right thing and I loved seeing Charlie with her new parents. Somehow the happiness I felt was starting to outweigh the pain I was feeling.
Over the next few weeks, I loved getting to see her grow! Holy smokes, you parents weren't kidding when you say, "They grow up so fast." It's insane...my perfect little peanut is quickly become a perfect little nugget. I love it but I dread it all at the same time.
Today's visit was great. I went by myself this time, which was nice because I didn't have to share her with my mom. (My mom is a Charlie hoarder, always wanting more time to hold her) We had lunch, we cuddled and I even got to change what they call a "blow out" diaper. What shocked me the most is that I wasn't once grossed out by it. I was more than happy to change her and to know that her digestive system is working correctly. Plus she is just so cute.
We got in some nice cuddles today and she slept pretty soundly after she got her diaper changed. It was lovely...I wish I could just hold her all the time. She threw me for a loop though because she was able to move her head around all by herself! I was not ready for that. She is getting so strong! She is also able to get a good grip on whatever she wants. She pulled on my shirt a lot while we were cuddling...it was so sweet.
As I drove home, I felt just a twinge of sadness because I hate leaving her, but like I said earlier, the joy and happiness I feel for her and her parents is overwhelming the sadness I feel. I am so happy with how our open adoption story is being written. Charlie is so surrounded by love and amazing people; for that I am grateful. I love my time with her, I love telling her how beautiful and amazing she is and I love seeing her sweet eyes sparkle up at me.
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment