Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Woulda Coulda Shoulda

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me...Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."
-Shel Silverstein
 
This quote has been ringing through my head for the last 24 hours after having a lovely conversation with my parents last night. Since I've moved to Ohio, I find myself loving the nights when I call my mom and my dad is right next to her. She'll put me on speaker and it's *almost* like I'm right there in the living room with them, just sharing time and laughing together. We'll talk about our days and they are always sure to tell me how proud they are of me. I don't think they know how much that means to me; to have the people you look up to most telling you that they're proud of you...that's something so special. 
 
Last night we had more to talk about because I became "facebook official" with the man I've been seeing for the last couple of months. This is a big deal in our house because we grew up knowing and always remembering to protect our hearts. Having something so personal, like a romantic relationship, put out on a public forum is something to do only when you feel completely comfortable with it. With this in mind, I haven't been public with a relationship status in years. Sure, I've dated people and even had some meaningful relationships, but never were they posted for all to see. My boyfriend is somewhat of a private person, so imagine my surprise when HE took the leap of making US public. 
 
So as I'm discussing this with my parents, I also start to just reflect on why this particular guy is special. Why I feel like I'm OK with us being listed as a pairing on social media. And I happened across the thought that he's the first guy I've seriously dated who shares the same faith as I do. Having this key portion of our lives to discuss, challenge one another and enjoy together has made this relationship different somehow. And I found myself saying that I shouldn't have dated any of those other guys, knowing what I know now. Like why would I waste my time, knowing how important this part of my life is, dating someone who just doesn't believe in God? It doesn't make them bad people, it just doesn't make them the right one for me. 
 
Luckily, my dad was quick to say that there are three words that we, as humans, shouldn't dwell on: woulda, coulda, shoulda. He told me that spending too much time in the past can cloud the present and/or future. So allowing ourselves to live too much in that 'woulda coulda shoulda' world isn't worth our time, but living in the joy that today has to bring is definitely worth our time. And that is exactly what I'm trying to do. I want to fully enjoy my time in this relationship and embrace all the joy that this man has brought to my life. 
 
So to bring it back to the above quote by the wonderful Shel Silverstein, I love how he brings this child full circle from listening to all the negative things the world has to offer, but then quickly reminds the child that despite all of that, anything can happen. Although Shel wrote this a long time ago, the concept is true to life in general. As humans, we are flooded with all these things that are negative, things we shouldn't do, etc...but through all of that, there are lessons to be learned. The time we spend today moving through the course of life, will only help us to fully remember all the amazing things that our future have to bring. Anything can happen, anything can be. 
 
**I realize this has little to do with my adoption or being a birthmom, but this is a lesson that has taken me a long 27 years to learn. And if I can try to impart anything to my daughter as she grows up and navigates through life, I want to. I want her know how special she is and how she should always focus on the beauty and amazing things that surround her.
 
But since most of you come here to see more about Charlie and what she's up to, here's a little photo of my girl in her natural habitat; at the dinner table, with food smeared all around her mouth. (Hand-eye coordination is still a work in progress)
 
 
And here's baby girl working on her dental hygiene....
 
 
She's really growing up! I can't wait to see her in May and then again for her birthday in June! She'll be two! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!
 
xoxo 

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