So, I just realized I haven't posted on here for almost two months! And a lot has happened in those two months....things change all the time and this is a lesson I am learning to accept. Even when we aren't ready for change, or as much as we may fight to avoid change, it is inevitable.
Charlie-one day you will start to learn how valuable this lesson in life is. But I know that you will have a strong and resilient heart, which will help you adapt to what this beautiful life will throw at you. My parents have always said if I am anything, I am resilient. I used to not really care about this trait, but as I've grown older, it is something I cling to. My life has not gone the way I ever imagined it would, but you never know your own strength until you are required to be strong. That is something I know for sure.
My sweet girl is almost 10 months old!! You have four little baby teeth and your top two teeth have a little gap between them. It's adorable and you might also fancy to know that my mother was gap-toothed growing up. Her dad fixed it by wrapping a rubber band around them every night until the gap was closed. And to this day, she still has the most beautiful, straight teeth I've ever seen.You are also on the brink of walking...you never even figured out crawling, you just went for the gold and started stomping around.
In my life, I've experienced a few exciting things and a few hard things recently. I met a guy shortly after you were born and he was amazing. He knew about you and would let me cry when I missed you, looked at every picture I loved and took an interest in you and how you were doing. He was also very kind...he treated me well and was never disrespectful. We laughed a lot and he let me be myself, which made being with him so easy. I even fell in love with him. We dated for several months and it was great. But then when we started talking about a more serious future, I had to make a decision about what I wanted for my future and I ended up breaking up with him. We didn't agree on our faith and that is something I value highly. (Charlie, one of the reasons I chose your parents was their strong faith. I wanted that for you and I hope you love being surrounded by God's love all the time in your home as you grow. I had that, and I wouldn't change a thing.) It was really difficult to leave him because there was real love there, but it just wasn't right. I hope to remain friends with him because I cherish his laugh, humor, kind heart and the way he allowed me to grow into the person I am today.
So for now, I'm happy to focus on me. I know what I want and I hope that I can set an example for you...that it is never going to work if you give up something that is meaningful to you. Never sacrifice who you are for a "what if" situation, it's not fair to either of you. I know that God has a very special person already chosen for me and even for you! We just need to be patient and allow God to move in our lives. He'll take care of everything.
Anyway, we are coming to see you this Saturday!! I'm so excited!! This stretch between visits has been so hard, but also good for me. I have to get used to seeing you less as you grow. Once you turn one, we will probably start doing less frequent visits. This is for everyone's benefit. I have to learn to let go of parts of your life and your parents need to be able to just be your parents. I'll be like an aunt...a really, really cool aunt. :) It's a mixed bag, but you are at the center of every choice we make when it comes to this new and exciting adoption adventure. I hope you know how loved, cherished and special you are to me, sweet girl. Nothing will ever take your place in my heart.
Love you forever, xoxo
