I've been in Ohio for about a month and a half now and my experience, in regards to Charlie, has been difficult. I was just starting to get used to her being a quick two hour drive away from me back in Iowa, and then I threw a big ol' wrench in that when I decided to move my butt ten hours away from her. I was good for about two weeks, distracted by the stress of moving and the newness of being in Ohio. But then it was like one day, my third week here, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I caught myself at my desk crying and aching for my baby. I just wanted to hold her, kiss her, play with her hair, tickle her and get her drool all over my stuff. I wanted to hear her sweet little laugh when she thinks something is funny and her high pitched squeal when she gets excited. I missed her fearless spirit and her wonder and curiosity of everything in the world. And I knew that I wasn't going to get to see her until the middle of November. It was heart breaking for me.
Luckily, I chose some of the most amazing, kind, gracious and caring parents for her. I shot Charlie's mamma a quick text and just said how much I was missing her and asked if we could maybe FaceTime later that week. Of course, she was quick to say, "Yes," and we were able to share about an hour over the phone on a Saturday morning. It was amazing and once again I am thankful for the technology filled world we live in. (Though sometimes scary, it can be good) Charlie loves the camera, so the minute she saw her face and my face on the screen, she was interested in what was going on. It was so fun to see her face and see her just sit on her momma's lap as we chatted and caught up about everything going on.
When it comes to doing an open adoption from a long distance perspective, there's a few things that I think are important to keep in mind.
1. Always be honest and upfront with how you're feeling and what you need to get through those feelings. Both parties (adoptive parents and birth parents) know that this will be difficult and both parties should care about each other. So with that in mind, having that open dialogue is a vital part of the relationship remaining strong and ultimately benefiting the child.
2. Take advantage of technology. It's amazing how easily you can video call, text, send photos, email, voice call, facebook, etc. All of these things are available on any smart phone these days, so there's no excuse for not staying connected.
3. Don't let the new people in your life (who know nothing about your situation) tell you how you should do things or how you should feel about being so far from your child. Stay connected to the people in your life who know you and know your heart, they are the ones who will continue to support you and keep you strong.
4. Pray. Pray every day/week/month/whatever. Pray as often as you can. Pray for your child, your child's parents, the relationship you have. Pray for yourself. I don't want to sound selfish, but I love praying for myself. I think it's changed my relationship with God, having an open discussion with Him about what I need or what I want. (Even though He knows, I feel like telling Him helps)
5. Join birth parent support groups. I've joined a couple on facebook and it's great to have them as an open forum to get advice and share joys with other birth moms. It also makes me thankful for the relationship that I have with Charlie's parents because so many birth mom's have horrible, dysfunctional and pain-filled relationships. It breaks my heart for them. But again, I'm so lucky. So, so lucky.
xoxo
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