Adoption: Does it get easier over time?

It's been over two years since my little girl was born and I placed her for adoption. I am not shy about talking about her or sharing my story with people because I believe it is important to change how people think about adoption. I enjoy helping people feel comfortable with starting the conversation and not feeling like it's some taboo subject. Most people will offer me a chance to not talk about it, though. They'll say something like, "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want." And honestly, I have taken that out a couple of times...mainly because there are moments where I am certain I will cry if I keep talking about it and I'm not in a place where I feel comfortable with getting that vulnerable. However, for the majority of the time, I will push that gesture to the side and open the conversation up.

One of the most common questions I get is, "Does it get easier over time?" My answer has varied over the last two years because I wasn't sure...the grieving process is so complicated and the way I was handling everything has been different than other birth mom's I've connected with. Every adoption story is unique, so I always remind myself that it's not strange for me to be in a different spot than others. I also have a wonderful mother who has told me over and over that whatever I am feeling is normal. All of this to say that if I'm being completely honest with myself, I would say that it does not get easier. It still hurts when I think about everything I'm missing out on. I still break down and cry, weep, sob because my heart aches when I remember having to watch her new parents driving away with her for the first time. So no, it doesn't get easier over time. But I have gotten stronger and I've learned ways to cope with the pain. So while some people see me as someone who's done with the grieving process, I know that I've just gotten good at putting on a brave face.

To be honest, having to listen to people talk about adoption or issues like being pro-life or pro-choice, who have never actually experienced it or had to make a decision like this, bring out more emotion from me than those who just ask me about my daughter.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month and it's exciting to be able to speak more about my story during a time when it is getting attention. Like I said in the beginning of my post, it's important for anyone who has played a part in adoption to share their stories. And it's important for people who don't know anything about it to listen. Together we can change the stigma that is attached to adoption.

xoxo