When I met with Bethany Christian Services, they asked me what I was looking for in a family for my baby. All I knew was that I wanted them to be Christian, be willing to have an open adoption and have some interest in music. These were my only deal breakers and everything else I was open to all possibilities.
At the agency, they have a huge cabinet full of books which have been made by all of the families who are looking for a child to adopt. It's a little crazy that little ol' me had all of these options just staring me in the face. It was overwhelming. But luckily my advocate knew me and knew some of these families and was able to narrow it down to about 8 families that she thought I'd like. She sent me home with the books so I could review them and look them over.
After a few days of avoiding the books, for reasons I still can't fully understand, I sat down on my bed and prayed. I prayed over all of the books, I prayed for myself and I prayed for my baby. I grabbed each book and read them through and surprisingly found myself discovering things that I either loved or didn't love about each family. I realized that I imagined this child being the first one for a family, so those who already had kids were put into a 'No' pile. This left with with about half of the books left.
I started reading about the remaining families and the moment I started reading one of them, I started to fall in love with them. This book showed a couple, late 30's-early 40's, who had found each other late in life. Their love story was so beautiful and was centered around their mutual love for Christ. They also had a part in there that each had written about why they fell in love with the other person; which was not only adorable but also showed a side of both of their personalities that I loved.
The next part that made me love them was the page that explained that they had tried to carry a child on their own, but were unable to carry either of the babies to term. My heart broke as they told about losing two little babies. I still get emotional just thinking about the loss they had to have felt. I can't imagine. But what made me love them even more was when they said that they still felt called by God to be parents, so that is why they were exploring adoption.
The rest of their book showed photos of their wedding, their cute dogs and moments of adventure that they had shared together. It was so exciting to see little snippets into their lives and what my daughter could expect to experience and look forward to as she grows up. It also made my heart happy that the mother was a singer and the grandpa was a piano player...made me confident that Charlie would grow up surrounded by music.
The last page of their book is what made my decision to want to meet them final. They had a list of what they value most and at the top of the list was God and having a personal relationship with Him. The next thing was their family. As I read the list, I realized that these were all things that I grew up with as well and things that I found vital to being the person I was today. It just made me feel confident that my daughter would be brought up the same way I was.
After that, I scrambled the books up and had my mom look through them all and she had the same family picked out. So we decided to meet them. In February, we got to meet for the first time at the adoption agency. Full disclosure, it was awkward at first...here I am with this baby inside of me and here are these people who want to take it. But after moving past the awkwardness, it quickly became very intimate and I felt connected to them instantly. They remind me so much of my own parents and they were so vulnerable about everything....I know we all cried multiple times that day.
I honestly don't remember all of the details of that day, what was said or anything like that...I just remember driving away feeling completely at peace. I loved them. I knew they loved me and my baby. I felt no desire to meet anyone else and I was excited to see them again throughout the pregnancy to build our relationship before the baby arrived. I kind of viewed that as my own version of nesting; getting to know her future parents and getting comfortable with them.
To this day, I still adore them. I couldn't have asked for a better two people to raise the most important person to me. They have stuck to every promise they have made and they have included me so much in her life. I cherish the moments I get to see my daughter, but I also love seeing them and watching how they all interact. It's what helps my heart feel happy when I miss her because I know she's surrounded with love and is so well taken care of.
xoxo
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