How To Deal With Worry As A Birth Mother

As a birth mother, you will always have those 'mama bear' instincts. It's hard to explain to those women who haven't had children, but it's like a switch that gets flipped...for some it's the moment they find out they are expecting and for others, it's the moment they see their child for the first time. For me, it was the moment I knew I was pregnant. I was consumed with protecting and caring for this life inside of me. And of course, once you care so much about another human, you begin to worry about things that are ridiculous.

My worries varied with each stage of my pregnancy....first it was about telling my family. Then it moved to choosing parents to raise this child that I love so much. And when I watched the news, my worries seemed to triple instantly because this world is so scary and I don't want my sweet and innocent girl to be ruined by it. I'm pretty sure that last one is going to stick with me forever, unfortunately. Especially with this world getting crueler and colder every day.

But now, I have different worries added onto the normal "mom" stuff. As a birth mother, there are other things that enter the picture and no one could have prepared me for it. There's very little information about what adoption or open adoption is like and how it affects the birth mother, so it's just a matter of navigating your way through it. One phrase has gotten me through much of this..."What you're feeling is normal." My mom has spoken these words to me so many times over the last two years or so. Even though she really doesn't know what is normal in this situation, she reminds me that whatever it is I'm feeling has to be normal. Because there is no normal. So just let yourself feel it and go through it. That is what is normal; feeling and going through human emotion.

So to all the birth mothers out there: What you are feeling is normal. It's OK to be sad, mad, happy, scared, hope-filled, stressed, relieved, loved, not loved....literally all of it is normal. I think I've felt extremes of all of these things throughout this entire process. And it's NORMAL. It's going to be OK.

The things I worry about now are things like: "Will she remember me on this next visit or still be a little cautious to let me hold her?" "I hope she and her new parents are safe on their trip to Colorado...I can't imagine getting a call saying they were in an accident." "What if she gets hurt and I'm too far away to be there for her?" "What will she think when she realizes I'm her birth mom?" "Will she love me?" "What do her parents think of me?" "Are they going to ever stop letting me see her?" "What would I do if I couldn't talk to her or see her?" "What will it be like the next time I have a child?" "Will a man ever fully understand what I have been through? Will he accept my past and not judge me for it?" "What will I tell her about her birth father?" "How old should she be when I tell her what happened?"

All of these thoughts go through my head almost daily. It's hard to not let it consume you or to not over think it. But what helps me move forward with my life is the fact that I took careful consideration when making my daughter's adoption plan. I hand picked two amazing parents for her and I built a solid relationship with them before she even got here. So I can rest assured that my daughter is well taken care of. And I have a God who is in control of all of our lives and will continue to provide love, support and understanding for us as we continue this crazy journey.

So to recap. It's normal. And trust your instincts. You know whats best for your baby. So whatever choices you have made, those were good. Don't second guess yourself. And then pray a lot. God has been amazing to my daughter and I. I trust that He will continue to be amazing.

xoxo